I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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