made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize