saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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