it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
