It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
