Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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