1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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