i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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