I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
