why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
