she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
