I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
