then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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