at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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