After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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