You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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