I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
