She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
