You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
