Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
