My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My feet surprised me
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