your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
