So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
