I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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