thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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