the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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