Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
