he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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