last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
