in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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