I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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