i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
