When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
