dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We are two peas in an std pod
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
