my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
