I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
