one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
