Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
