he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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