So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
