So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
