May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize