so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
