twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
