I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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