P.S. I can't hear my feet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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