dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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