im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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