if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
