You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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