Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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