did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
