I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
