Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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