people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
