Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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