Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
