I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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