In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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