so explain again why im purple
no
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
