Do you still have your period?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
