I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just high enough for therapy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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