Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
