4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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