Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
