We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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