My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
