All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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