i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
