I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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