Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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